I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
