the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
