$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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