Dual....:-)
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
