google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I did not marry a roomba.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
