hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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