I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
