those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
