Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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