You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
