thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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