all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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