It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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