I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
