Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
