So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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