Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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