oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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