Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
