I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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