At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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