It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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