So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
