I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
