Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
