how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
4 words: hood of his car
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
