check it out our google latitudes are spooning
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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