All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
