I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
