I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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