Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
