I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
