Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize