I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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