All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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