By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the gays at disneyland are vicious
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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