Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
