walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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