dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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