I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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