I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
