Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
40s are totally the cure
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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