I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
