the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
