some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
