Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
