Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
