3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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