you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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