Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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