Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
