I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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