the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
