So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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