dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize