Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
