we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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