My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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