youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize