i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
