YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
only you would photoshop your dick
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
that is very illegal...i love you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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