She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
