I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
