Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
