NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
