I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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