i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Can you bring me the toilet please
Let's get the cat blown out
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
