Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
