ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Randomize
