The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
