dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
