put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
