we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
