Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
