we made out on top of his cat.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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