life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
