So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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