We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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