fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
