Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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