i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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