they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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