Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
