So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
