So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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